meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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