Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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