He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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