Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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