We named our party play list daddy issues
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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