Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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