Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
