how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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