thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I have aggressive nipples.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
