Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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