Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
