im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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