i love accidental penises.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
