Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
