Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
