I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
