i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
