omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
