You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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