apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
