I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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