i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
you never un-have a 4some
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
