Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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