i jhust puked up my retainher.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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