Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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