Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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