Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize