this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
