Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
