my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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