DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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