We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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