During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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