Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
