Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
