this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
