I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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