Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
