Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
