she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
