So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
