I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You pole danced in your parka.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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