i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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