i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
