Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The adults are the big ones right?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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