So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He kissed a someone with a penis
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
