She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
