just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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