he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
