his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We talked him into tasing himself.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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