If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
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I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
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so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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