Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
