At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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