Where is the hickey?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
