Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
