he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
