chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
