So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
