last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
