I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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