the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
