Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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