Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
