So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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