my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
