someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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