Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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