my phone needs a breathalizer
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize