There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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