Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
