Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I love having hate sex.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just forgot I was standing up.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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