You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
