ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
