Plan B is the new Plan A
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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