I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
