Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
