Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
