apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Randomize
