Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
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I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
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I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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