Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
