...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
