I didn't shave. On purpose
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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